After the first night I met Spenser I often wondered when I'd see him again. I still didn't 'feel' anything for him but couldn't stop thinking about how HE made ME feel. He was just so....nice. And that was new for me. Well one night, our friend, the one who took me out to dinner where I first met Spenser (let's call her Katie) had me drive down to Provo with her to hang out with a new group of nice young men. She seemed highly interested in one particular member of the group so we continued to make frequent trips down that way. At this point I don't think I'd seen Spenser a second time. And for one of our trips down to Provo a few weeks later, Katie invited another friend. Someone I'd never met.
After we walked into the Boy's apartment, Katie introduced me to this friend of hers (let's call her Carly). Well, that didn't go so well . It's hard to ignore a hateful glare when it's boring into your soul from just inches away.
"Carly, this is my friend ShaNae."
"Hi Carly, nice to meet ya."
*SILENCE* And then a "hmmmph"
*to myself* Alright, you're nuts. I'll just go sit over here on this couch till we get a movie started...or somethin.
So, Carly's pretty, and supposedly pretty nice. From what I'd heard. So what's her deal? Well, I didn't know at the time and really didn't care to think about it too much. But when you're trying to enjoy a night out with friends, and someone continually slashes at you with her laser beam eyes and snappy remarks, the good times don't last, they just don't. It's like trying to sit through a movie on a date when you REALLY have to pee. You can't focus on anything but the toilet in the other room. Well I couldn't focus on anything but the fiery eyeballs coming at me from across the room. HATER. I didn't even have to do anything this time.
Anyway, pretty soon Carly starts venting to Katie about the guy she's texting. "Ugh! I'm so mad! He's being so dumb! I think we're breaking up..."
"Who? Spenser?" said Katie.
"Yes!" yelled Carly.
HOLD UP thought I. Spenser has a girlfriend?
Well, THIS is awkward....wait, no it's not. I don't even like him. Back to their conversation!
"Why? What's he saying" asked Katie. And so they continued on and I mulled over the idea of this Carly person and Spenser being together. K wait a second. First off, I SWEAR she's taller than him. He was barely taller than me and she's WAY taller than me. Yup, it's the truth, she's taller. Okay, well if he's into that sorta thing...How long have they been together? Why are they breaking up? Does this mean we won't have to hang out with Carly again? All valid questions I'd say.
So, the night went on until we finally left for home. On the way back I asked Katie about Carly.
"Does Carly hate me? Did you see the way she acted around me?"
"Ya...sorry about that. I noticed but couldn't tell ya what's wrong. I don't know."
"So, that's Spenser's girlfriend?"
"WAS. I'm pretty sure they broke up tonight. A mutual thing. They were more like make-out buddies. It wasn't going anywhere."
"Oh, sad. Okay."
And that was the end of it.
*a few weeks later*
My phone rings.
"Hey ShaNae, Spenser texted me today, wants to know if we all wanna hang out again tonight."
Okay, so recently we'd been dividing our time between the boys in Provo and Katie's other friend Adam, Spenser's best friend. Which meant I'd been seeing more of Spenser. "Umm I don't know, I think I have something tonight." I honestly had no other friends in my life so what else could I do? Stay home and knit? Well ya, maybe. And not that I didn't love hanging out with Katie most the time, it's just that lately it'd gotten awkward. It was always just us four. Adam and Katie, Me and Spenser. Awkward because Adam and Katie actually had chemistry. Spenser and I? We didn't. Or, I was denying we did.
"Okay well text me later when you know for sure."
"K, will do. Bye."
A few hours later I'm sitting in class at UVU and my phone buzzes. It's Katie. She and Spenser are by UVU and wanna come visit. "Okay," I tell her, "that's fine. I actually have a few hours break if y'all wanna go get somethin to eat real quick. But then I have to be back because I'm leaving at 7 to drive up with some friends to the Sundance Film Festival. I forgot that was tonight."
"Oh nice! What movies are you gonna see? Is this for school?"
"Yeah, it's for school. And it's called Kenyarwanda I think. It's about the Rwanda Genocide."
"Oh, cool. Okay, we'll be there soon!"
So, they arrived. We left. Ate some food. And then drove back to UVU so I could leave. As we were waiting for my carpool all three of us sat in the Hall of Flags playing on my laptop. I couldn't help but feel this more than friendly vibe coming from Spenser. It was obvious he didn't know how to flirt, but it was even more obvious that I made him uncomfortable. In a good way? Maybe...I just knew that every move I made, every word that came out of my mouth, caught his attention. He sorta laughed at everything I said, and stared at me with that curious, familiar look that read "I want to know you". But I still wasn't sure about him. Had he and Carly really broken up? Was he heart broken? What did HE think was the reason? I hadn't asked him about her. We didn't even have each others' numbers yet so it's not like we were even 'text' friendly. Sounds ridiculous because we'd been seeing each other a lot. But like I said, I was a man hater and he was just...well, shy. Anyway, finally my phone rang. It was my buddy Travis. He was parked out side waiting with everyone else.
"Well, thanks for dropping by guys, see ya later. I'll let you know how it is."
"Ummm....I think you guys should exchange numbers. That'd be a good idea. Then you can tell Spenser all about it!"
Okay, three things JUST happened. Spenser got red in the face, my heart puttered, and Katie looked like she had just achieved some kind of master plan.
"I can't! I have to run! Katie, give him my number and then Spenser, text me! See you guys later!" as I booked it out of there.
Holy Crap. It's about bloody time. I knew we shoulda made that move a long time ago, but Spenser was just so...awkward around me and I didn't want to make him even more uncomfortable. So I never asked.
Well, the festival was great. One of the best nights I'd had in a long time. And Spenser DID text me. The entire time. But just like all good things, the night in historical Park City came to an end. However, our conversation never did. He continued to talk to me via text for hours. I asked him about Carly among many other things. He asked me about school. It felt good to finally feel like friends. And not just two people with the same friends who happened to get together all the time.
He was smart. And funny. Which I loved. I shouldn't have been surprised. He was the one out of our whole group who could throw out hysterical one liners with impeccable timing. His humor was dry, never laughing at his own jokes. He never sought the lime light. But when he stole it, it was perfect. And he did it with ease. He was always quiet. No obnoxious, loud notions you often see and hear from others in a group. Just quick, witty comments every now and then. And with each one he had everyone laughing. Even me. I often wondered why he never actively sought anyone's attention. But I learned quickly it was because he didn't need it. He didn't care what anyone thought or said about him. He was happy just being there. Completely content with just 'being'. It fascinated me after awhile. Once I figured out this man's overall shyness was actually more a sense of security, I wanted to know his secret. But for the longest time I refrained from asking. Because despite his ability to be witty, he still stumbled in front of me. His quiet aura got even quieter when I walked into the room. He changed, when I gave him my attention. And that did something to me, too. But I would never admit it. You'd have to hang me over a cliff before I said it. I wasn't read for this. I didn't DESERVE this. At least that's what I thought at the time. And most of all, I didn't want to believe that he could make me happy, or even hurt me. I.WASN'T.READY. And he knew it.
*to be continued*
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