Thursday, March 28, 2013

Marriage Learning: Let The Good Times Roll

So I'm back, wedding was FANTASTIC, honey moon even better, newlywed life, INCREDIBLE. And I'll most likely do a post on all that very soon, when I get pictures back from our photographer.  But for now, I thought it'd be fun to post a few things Spenser and I have quickly learned, as newlyweds:)

As you all know, nothing and no one can fully prepare you for married life. You kinda just close your eyes and jump into the water hoping your fourth grade swim lessons were adequate.  But that's what it's all about.  LEARNING.  And growing together as you learn.  Now Spenser and I have only been married a few weeks so we're not experts on anything, but we have learned SOME things. And here, I will share.

This is me. Every. Morning.

Sometimes I want to have full conversations early in the morning, or really late at night, and Spenser doesn't like it.  Go figure? Maybe because it's been a long day and he's either trying to catch every possible minute of sleep or he's ready to pass out.  I suck at this. And he puts up with me so well, but I've gotten better I swear. There's just something about beds....they make me wanna do anything but sleep.

Bill Cosby

As funny as this meme is, I have to disagree. Believe it or not I DO want Spenser's opinion on just about everything.  Turns out, it drives me CRAZY when we're making a decision and he hasn't formed an opinion on it yet.  To me, if my man has an opinion or an idea, it means he's been listening, and he's genuinely involved.  And each day of our marriage I'm learning more and more about just how much Spenser really DOES listen and DOES care, I just need to give him two seconds to formulate in his brain exactly how to say it, otherwise, like ol' Cosby, it's just easier to repeat what I said.  

Marriage Best part of marriage.  Okay, one of the best parts.  But the feeling I get at the end of each day when I realize, "Oh ya, I get to go home to Spenser tonight.  We get to get ready for bed together, and then cuddle all the way to sleep, and wake up the next day with all the sheets on his side, and half my body off the edge...this is FANTASTIC!" There's somethin about it, I LOVE having daily sleep overs:)

Before and after marriage.

This is what I've learned.  Any space Spenser and I had, any boundaries or barriers, are now gone. Privacy? Ya, maybe in your journal. But that's about it. There's no such thing as being too close, or too clingy. At least not yet....And turns out, I'm a lot more touchy feely than I thought.  I'm not the type, and my love language isn't affection, though Spenser's is.  HOWEVER, if Spenser is in the same room as me, I lose all concentration and I just wanna touch him, hug him, bug him, bite his shoulder, cuddle up next to him, it doesn't matter.  I can't ever get enough!!! I don't get it!!! And that leads me to the next one....


I think I must be so annoying. He doesn't tell me I am.  He probably never would even if I was.  But heck, I would be so annoyed with me.  I'm giddy all the time, completely non-serious, and crazy clingy.  Not like gross high school girlfriend in public clingy.  It's just when we're home together, and I finally have him all to myself.  I don't know what's gotten in to me, but we love it so who cares!!!


Ahhh:) *sigh* Being married is so conducive to making your spouse dislike someone they've never even met.  It sounds so wrong, and I think HATE is a strong word, but when there's someone at work, or in the family that is just really making your life a living hell, what better thing than to go home and tell your husband or wife? And have them completely agree with absolutely everything you say? No more pent up anger or frustration here people, I've found the perfect outlet.


This is probably one of the best lesson I've ever learned.  And it took being with Spenser for me to learn it.  I've always been stubborn, hard headed, and set it my ways.  And still am.  But now I find myself completely willing to drop all my pride whenever a disagreement rolls around.  Wrong or right, I'd rather make Spenser feel loved by me through anything than win an argument, or convince him I'm right. If we get upset over something, I internally start to panic and realize my big mouth can shut up for a time, and resolve the issue with kindness.  That sounds so simple, and is probably something most of you a;ready do.  But it is SO NEW for me.  I've never felt like that before in a relationship, because I've never cared this much.

Anyway, short post.  My fingers were aching to write.  And more is coming very soon.  More wedding, humor, and finally adoption (haven't posted on that in awhile).  Later!  

Monday, March 4, 2013

The Final Countdown!!!!

I can hardly believe it's finally here...Five days until I get to become Mrs. Carrier.  It feels like we've been awaiting this moment for a VERY.LONG.TIME. Oh ya...cause we have been.  Our wedding day has been a long time coming and we couldn't be more excited.  Now I'm not the romantic type, and I don't particularly enjoy reading blogs or FB posts that are all mushy and contain the "I love him, he's the best husband ever!" type stuff.  It makes me ill, not because I'm single and jealous (though I HAVE been there), but because no one wants to hear that stuff over and over and over again.  Your marriage is great.  We get it.  Write about something else.

So, I am allowing myself this one time (for a long time anyway) to completely gross all of you out with how much I love and adore my hubby to be. And to express my feelings toward our relationship and lives together.  And just to straight up let you know how freaking excited I am to be married, at last.

So, I'll begin....

Spenser and I have known each other for three years.  Dated for 1 and 1/2, and been engaged for 1. We've been through some major ups and downs due to some serious freak accidents in my own life and he's stuck through it all like a champ.  The past couple years have been so vital to us. We've grown together in ways I never could have imagined and are so much more prepared for the challenges and excitement marriage can bring. Spenser balances our relationship and keeps us grounded with his level headedness and calm personality.  I never could have married someone like me. It would have been total and utter chaos ending in one nasty, ugly divorce.  Spenser is quite frankly, by definition, my soul mate.  My other half.  My partner in crime;) Without him, I would never know how or when to calm down.  I wouldn't know how to give myself a day off.  I wouldn't know how to relax and not worry about things that just don't matter. Without him, I wouldn't be the woman I am today, ready to commit myself to another man, and dedicate my life TO HIM.  To Loving him. Supporting him. And continually standing in awe at how lucky I am to have found him.

It took me awhile to grow up and realize the quiet guys are the nice ones. And the nice guys are the ones who will love you despite your shortcomings.  Spenser and I are so opposite in so many ways, I've really started to believe this whole "opposites attract" type thing. His love language is physical touch and affection, mine is acts of service.  We've promised each other to try harder each day to fulfill each other's love language, and be sure that neither of us doubts for a second how much we are loved by the other. I make a conscious effort to give as many hugs, kisses, back massages, or whatever! And he, well he does just about everything for me.  Washes dishes, cleans house, makes the bed, builds stuff, and one of my favorites, he writes:)  He writes the best, most romantic, sincere love letters ever.  And I get them quite often.  They're my absolute favorite surprises to receive from him.  He is constantly telling me how much he loves me, how beautiful  I am, how smart, how amazing. And those are all things I need to hear. He is a total gentleman, and would never say or do anything to hurt me.  He was raised by some pretty amazing people, because he is simply just that. Amazing.

So, I just wanna talk for a sec about us, as people, as individuals with ideas, goals, and standards of our own.  Spenser and I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  We are Mormons.  Therefore, on our wedding day we will have the incredible opportunity to be married in the house of our Lord.  We chose the Mount Timpanogos Temple because it's near where we both grew up, and it's absolutely gorgeous.  As Mormons, we are required to live certain standards in order to enter His house and partake of the sacred covenants held within.  These standards include sustaining and supporting all our church leaders, paying a full tithe, living the law of chastity, being honest in all our dealings, and so on. The reason I bring this up is because these laws are NOT easy.  They require a lot of faith. And they are NOT taken lightly.  The things that go on in the temple are very serious, and very eternal. I have wanted a temple marriage since I was a little girl.  I always told myself, ESPECIALLY after I gave birth to my daughter, that when I got married, I wanted to be able to kneel across that altar and KNOW that I DESERVED to be there.

Spenser and I are not perfect.  We've made mistakes, individually and collectively.  We've had to work really hard to be where we are.  Spiritually progression is constant and ongoing. It takes work. And it is KEY to marriage.  Whether you're catholic, protestant, or mormon, it doesn't matter.  Spirituality can keep a marriage strong when otherwise, it would fail.  So, I can't wait.  I CAN NOT WAIT. To finally make it to the temple.  I've worked my butt off to get there and I feel I will appreciate it that much more because of it.  The fact that I get to share this experience with the love of my life is beyond thrilling for me.  I can hardly sit still thinking about it.

Many people I interact with on a daily basis are not LDS.  Many of my family members are not LDS. And I love it! And often times, when someone new learns I'm a Mormon it's not uncommon for me to hear, "Really? Then why do you have a tattoo?" "Didn't you get pregnant" "I thought you weren't a a virgin?" "You never go to church".....And to all those I have to say, "Yup, I'm a Mormon, AND I'm human." Isn't Mormonism about service, sacrifice, endurance, faith, love, and forgiveness? Not about who's better at giving sacrament talks, or who doesn't watch rated R movies? I have a tattoo because it was a choice I made after I placed my daughter for adoption.  I got pregnant in high school, and made the best of it. And I don't get to go to church very often because I'm busy working most Sundays caring for special needs children. None of those affect my relationship with my Heavenly Father or my faith in Christ.  I established a VERY personal relationship with God when I was 17 and have managed to maintain it ever since.  It takes consistent effort and communication, and it is one thing I will NEVER neglect. So yes, I say damn, shit, and hell and I think tattoos are cool. But I have a testimony of my Savior and Heavenly Father strong enough to endure just about anything.  I would do anything for them because I know they do everything for me.

I feel like telling a quick story.  Way back when Spenser and I first started dating we were both living in Orem.  One night we were lying next to each other just talking and he told me something I would never forget.  He said that if he ever felt like he was losing me, he would fight for me. His comment took us both by surprise because he's not that type. It was a step forward in our relationship for us to realize that we were developing into something neither of us would willingly let go if something were to happen.  Well, nothing required fighting for quite some time.  Until I got sick and he had to rush me to the ER for the first time. Until I got hurt in Africa and lost my memory. Until I had to get open heart surgery in Minnesota...until he realized that choosing to be with me was going to be an even bigger commitment than he could have imagined. An even bigger struggle.  And one night last fall I just couldn't understand his patience. So I asked him, "Why did you stick around through it all? Why? You didn't deserve this." To which he said, "I told you I would fight for you."

It was that moment I realized he wasn't going anywhere. And that I could trust him not to leave my side, no matter what.  It was then that I knew we were going to be together and that he was going to walk me through some extremely difficult years, but that I couldn't do it without him.  I just hoped, and still hope, that I can give him as much as he gives me and that I can show him how much I love and appreciate his commitment to us.

So, I just want to say again, how excited I am to finally be HERE. In this time and place, ready to enter the temple and be married and sealed to Spenser. With family and friends there to witness the event and experience our special day with us. I've never been so in love with another human being, so willing to do anything to make them happy. The thought of going through life's experiences with him, having kids together, traveling, buying a house, laughing, crying, all of so exciting:)  We have so many goals, so many aspirations. And I know we'll get there with time, patience, hard work and a lot of love.   So, in five days I get to slip on my gorgeous wedding dress, eat some cake, and dance with my daddy.  Then, it's off to Vegas for the best week of my far;) Where I'm going to put aside everything, except ME & HIM.

And it's going to be wonderful.

See you in a couple weeks.